18 Thawninary

Jabjotha Desert Scarab

OPPRESSORBADNESS

Jabjotha, Yarkastan Jabber Telallah

Once again Oppressorbad has closed it's borders. During the night Concrete Barriers were erected on the Afeekashban,Dogchewigrad, and Cappochino Railroad. Agog and Podunk report similar closures.

Gray tanks have been spotted on maneuvers in the disputed territory north of the Asp River. Oppressorbad officials are silent, and the Hemmer Confederation denys any involvement in the armored incursion.

His Excellency the Pooba of Yarkastan has put negotiations with Agog on hold, possibly to avoid further antagonizing the government of Oppressorbad.

Chairman Glumjaw, Oppressorbad's aging dictator, is not known to have made a public appearance since the Annual Freezuary 13th Parade in Styrofoamybad. Rumors that he is being succeeded by a government of hardliners possibly headed by Party Secretary Punknose are unconfirmed at this time.

13 Thawinary

Kiltrash Examiner

Trade Resumes!

Kiltrash, Earldom of Ear

Jock Mcintosh

This afternoon a new trade agreement between the Earldom and the Marquisate of Gueret goes into effect, ending the 10 month import ban Gueret had imposed on Earish wool and mutton. The glut of wool, and the scarcity of Gueret butter and guapamolotl Chocolotl brought new experiments in cuisine from our enterprising island nation.

Among our successes; a margarine of wool lanolin and sheep milk, and a

'chocolate' bar whose recipe is a secret, though it does use sheep products. (It tastes brown in this editor's opinion.) Also Potatoscotch, a butterscotch alternative, and a potato/Lanolin shortbread cookie.

No matter the hardships our National breakfast of kippers and groats has remained unchanged!

Speaking today from Perpiggy in the Marquisate the Earl of Ear had this to say;

"It ghives me grrreat joy ta see our wee dif'rences sa well patched upp!"

The Marquis of Gueret in his turn at the podium declared;

"Hit Eees Joyeuse that Fraternite et diplomacee can overcome le differahncees of zees too grreat peoples! Viva la diffherance!"

The Ambassador of Dundoon pleaded no comment on the development though unconfirmed rumors that Dundoon has expanded it's submarine fleet does give one pause.

Dundoon and Summartha continue to be the Marquisates principle markets, so it is unlikely that Gueret has signed any military agreements with our Earldom. The old treaties remain in force however, providing for a naval alliance with Gueret in case of war with Illee.

11 of Thawinary

TREATY WITH PODUNK

From the Drawingboard Daily Wind, Squigglesbottom, Queendom of Ilee

Olander Prigg reporting

The Queen spoke today amid the Roses of her Retreat at Skigglesbottom. Her Majesty was pleased to announce a Tripartate Friendship and Trade Treaty between the Queendom, The 2nd Polyester Freestate, and Podunk.

She praised the work of her royal sister, the Dame of Winklewikky, Special Envoy to the Freestate and Podunk.

Meanwhile the tension mounts with Podunk's nieghbor Oppressorbad whose Satrap has said Very Nasty Things about our beloved Queen.

Podunk is, in addition, fending off Etrulian accusations of overfishing the Bronx River, a ridiculous claim from a nation which has 7 barge fish factories on the river itself.

It is a concern with this editor that we may be drawn into a general war. Certainly the Ministry of the Military cannot be seriously contemplating involving our valiant small army on the continent? Who could consience such folly?

Gazetteer of the Freestate

I've been sorta thinking aloud on the Oldschool Wargaming Yahoo Group here are the firmest current figures for the Freestate; Population 56,300 Yearly National Revenue: 2,026,800 Bills Currancies (or Coins) Yearly Military Budget: 810,720 Coins Maximum Military Manpower Pool; 18,766 (includes all able-bodied male citizens15-80 and female citizens 17-70) Yearly Eligible for Service; 235 new recruits Current total Officers and Enlisted; 5,630 Reserve Pool; 2,814 A quick Gazetteer for the IInd Polyester Freestate; The Second Polyester Freestate occupies about 603 square feet. It is bordered by the Sogbottom River to the West, beyond which frontier lies Mantissippi. The southern frontier is the Soupstone River, beyond which is the Ethnically Polyesterian regions of Guapamolotl. To the West is the Wetwater Sea and the Inkpen Channel. The Southeastern Frontier lies at the foothills of the Plaster-Mache Mountains, and The Dutchy of Gross-Montaigne. The nation is dominated by the wide waters of the great PotomacAndCheese River. It's five largest cities are; Polyesterdelphia, pop. 14,075, in 175 structures Heavy Flashing, pop 12,063, in 150 structures Testorton, pop. 11,500 in 143 structures Roach Harbor, pop. 11,575 in 142 structures Thumpbunny, pop. 11,000 in 137 structures 4 major towns; Bad Mouldings pop. 3,000 in 45 structures Spunkdumpling, pop 2,500 in 45 structures Old Penny, pop. 2,250 in 34 structures Smudjegrime, 2,000 in 30 structures Sugulfly, pop. 1,800 in 27 structures And the 19 towns or villages of; Ejectionpin Junction, Pop 567 in 10 structures Glumfelt , pop 550 in 9 structures Happyvale, pop. 525 in 8 structures Naus, pop. 500 in 8 structures VPDCD (Vynal Parachuteguy Deployment Center Delta), pop 480 in 8 structures Vinalville , pop 450 in 7 structures Plufflumi, pop 440 in in 7 structures Featherfall Field, pop 433 in 7 structures Smufftrout, pop 427 in 7 structures Brittlebreak, pop 426 in 7 structures Bognoodle Junction, pop 425 in 7 structures Souppot, pop 403 in 6 structures Brubberband, pop 397 in 6 structures Paperclip Landing, pop 383 in 6 structures Smelfty, pop 380 in 6 structures Nog, pop 300 in 6 structures Dogswollow, pop 300 in 6 structures Slurpsod, pop 299 in 6 structures Stenshpaush, pop 220 in 6 structures A word on "structures" . To represent cities in Ornria I use Christmas Village ceramic or resin houses, wooden buildings, and home made paper buildings roughly HO scale-ish. By the word structure I'm meaning the equivalent of a one story house about 6x6 inches. Two such stories would equal 2 "structures". a large 20 story skyscraper 2 feet on a side would equal 80 structures as it equals four structures a level for 20 levels. Thus the word structure above doesn't correspond to the word "Building". With this method I can hope to represent even Polyesterdelphia on the "tabletop" or front yard. I'd only need 10 or so skyscrapers and a few lesser buildings... You might also note that living conditions are way more crowded in cities than villages...

11 Thawnuary, 2011

GENERALISSIMO SPEAKS!

Mosquitotuch, Wormwood

Melvin Toast reporting

Generalissimo Pip Skeek addressed an assembly of prominant Generals, Captains of Industry, and Foriegn Officials today in the Place of Elephants, amid the opulant splendor on an Asian palace the glittering assembly was picture perfect.

Prominant among the gathering were several Foo-Ee tycoons, a delegation from Gross-Montaigne, and the Protectorate Administrator Baron Von Baconbach.

The Generalissimo assured the assembly that the rebels were being taken seriously and that "Extreme Measures" were being taken "to avert future bombing incidents in the Foriegn Quarter."

This comes as a response to a rash of primitive bombs and molotov cocktail attacks in the foriegn quarter. Hardest hit was the Foo-Ee Consulate.

Ambassador Chow-Myn had this to say; "We deplore the incident and are becoming frustrated with the Dependency Government's unwillingness to use harsh measures to control these hoodlums"

The Protecorate Administration has been in the control of Mantz for three decades, but the Chocolate Crisis has put more power in the hands of Cocoa planters from the Southern Rotwood Delta. Most of these are Foo-Ee citizens, raising the question, " is Foo-Ee set to replace Mantz as the new Protectorate Administrators, and will Mantz let go of it's hold on the richest Plastic and Twinkie mines in the world?"

As we ask this question the IInd Polyester Freestate, Guapamolotl, and Mantissippi have all recently released statements accusing the Skeek Government of gross human rights violations,and in one case attatcking the Protectorate as a "Grossly Unfair Colonial Relic."

It is reported that the Generalissimo has given his Secret Police the widest discression in it's efforts to smash the Rebels, and contain the endemic smuggling, graft, and slave-trading in the contryside.

n recent days several prominant citizens have dissapeared, presumably kidnapped by Rebels, or imprisioned by police. One body has been recovered.

The body belonged to Mine Magnate Butterbatter Von Kipperpie. He was found completely stuffed with Twinkies. It is unknown if this is the work of Rebels, the Tongs, illicit Twinkie Smugglers, the Police, or just an irate maid who has been held for questioning.

The Generalissimo was at pains to make his gratitude to the people of Mantz known, praising the recently arrived detatchments of the Mantzish Army loaned to assist the Government in keeping the peace.

8 Thawinary 2011

HARD TIMES IN THE DUTCHY

Schroodle Standard, Arnolf Typinglots

The Chocolate Crisis continues to spiral out of control as the value of the Ducat fell to new lows on the Exchange. The Great Duke has called on his people to stay calm in a radio broadcast today.

"My Phrends, my Schtalvart Peeple, Ophten Hhav or peeple faced Hhard times. Our Chocolate iz the bescht in the vorld! This Everyonebody knows! So it iss Hhard to schee how zis all vill be vell vitout our Cocoalotl imports. I schay to you - Fear Not! Your Duke vill schoften dis ehvil on you! Mine household has begunz alreadyz to econamise und tightenz our belts! Our yound prince, your princessesz und the Dutchess vill gharden und hunt just az the poorest of you must. Our Home, zis castlehoff, vill be hopened to warm our good friends, the people of our nation, who ar in zis distress. Our treasury iz vell schtocked, und our ambassadorz abroad are arrangink for our future vell-being. I encourage you! Ve Can be Vell und VE Can Be Safe! Do we not build ze best clocks, the finest cameras? Ze whorlt vill schtill use our banks! Let us schmile dat Providenze haz scho vell schupplied us! Giveunze Thanks for All Vill Be Well!"

It is believed that Ducal Ambassadors moved by train to the PDSR last night. The question; What does the Socialist Republic want? Surely cameras and clocks will not have great weight with them.

Unmentioned in the speech went the acknowledged superiority of Pukkerups Gun Works. The Freestate nervously eyes the Dutchy, as the Mantissippi Question hangs unanswered in the air. What is to be thought if the PDSR brings Ducal Guns to Mantissippi? Will the 2nd Polyester Freestate intervene? Will it trigger a general war? This editor hopes not.