HARD TIMES IN THE DUTCHY
Schroodle Standard, Arnolf Typinglots
The Chocolate Crisis continues to spiral out of control as the value of the Ducat fell to new lows on the Exchange. The Great Duke has called on his people to stay calm in a radio broadcast today.
"My Phrends, my Schtalvart Peeple, Ophten Hhav or peeple faced Hhard times. Our Chocolate iz the bescht in the vorld! This Everyonebody knows! So it iss Hhard to schee how zis all vill be vell vitout our Cocoalotl imports. I schay to you - Fear Not! Your Duke vill schoften dis ehvil on you! Mine household has begunz alreadyz to econamise und tightenz our belts! Our yound prince, your princessesz und the Dutchess vill gharden und hunt just az the poorest of you must. Our Home, zis castlehoff, vill be hopened to warm our good friends, the people of our nation, who ar in zis distress. Our treasury iz vell schtocked, und our ambassadorz abroad are arrangink for our future vell-being. I encourage you! Ve Can be Vell und VE Can Be Safe! Do we not build ze best clocks, the finest cameras? Ze whorlt vill schtill use our banks! Let us schmile dat Providenze haz scho vell schupplied us! Giveunze Thanks for All Vill Be Well!"
It is believed that Ducal Ambassadors moved by train to the PDSR last night. The question; What does the Socialist Republic want? Surely cameras and clocks will not have great weight with them.
Unmentioned in the speech went the acknowledged superiority of Pukkerups Gun Works. The Freestate nervously eyes the Dutchy, as the Mantissippi Question hangs unanswered in the air. What is to be thought if the PDSR brings Ducal Guns to Mantissippi? Will the 2nd Polyester Freestate intervene? Will it trigger a general war? This editor hopes not.
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