11 Thawnuary, 2011

GENERALISSIMO SPEAKS!

Mosquitotuch, Wormwood

Melvin Toast reporting

Generalissimo Pip Skeek addressed an assembly of prominant Generals, Captains of Industry, and Foriegn Officials today in the Place of Elephants, amid the opulant splendor on an Asian palace the glittering assembly was picture perfect.

Prominant among the gathering were several Foo-Ee tycoons, a delegation from Gross-Montaigne, and the Protectorate Administrator Baron Von Baconbach.

The Generalissimo assured the assembly that the rebels were being taken seriously and that "Extreme Measures" were being taken "to avert future bombing incidents in the Foriegn Quarter."

This comes as a response to a rash of primitive bombs and molotov cocktail attacks in the foriegn quarter. Hardest hit was the Foo-Ee Consulate.

Ambassador Chow-Myn had this to say; "We deplore the incident and are becoming frustrated with the Dependency Government's unwillingness to use harsh measures to control these hoodlums"

The Protecorate Administration has been in the control of Mantz for three decades, but the Chocolate Crisis has put more power in the hands of Cocoa planters from the Southern Rotwood Delta. Most of these are Foo-Ee citizens, raising the question, " is Foo-Ee set to replace Mantz as the new Protectorate Administrators, and will Mantz let go of it's hold on the richest Plastic and Twinkie mines in the world?"

As we ask this question the IInd Polyester Freestate, Guapamolotl, and Mantissippi have all recently released statements accusing the Skeek Government of gross human rights violations,and in one case attatcking the Protectorate as a "Grossly Unfair Colonial Relic."

It is reported that the Generalissimo has given his Secret Police the widest discression in it's efforts to smash the Rebels, and contain the endemic smuggling, graft, and slave-trading in the contryside.

n recent days several prominant citizens have dissapeared, presumably kidnapped by Rebels, or imprisioned by police. One body has been recovered.

The body belonged to Mine Magnate Butterbatter Von Kipperpie. He was found completely stuffed with Twinkies. It is unknown if this is the work of Rebels, the Tongs, illicit Twinkie Smugglers, the Police, or just an irate maid who has been held for questioning.

The Generalissimo was at pains to make his gratitude to the people of Mantz known, praising the recently arrived detatchments of the Mantzish Army loaned to assist the Government in keeping the peace.