MILITARY TURNS OUT NEW COMBAT UNIFORM.
Polyesterdelphia
By Tom Peakin-Snoop,
Today the Armed Forces unveiled their final decision on the AFPFS Field Service Uniform. The uniform will be adopted into all army units by the end of the year. The old unform; recognized by it's bright Freestate Purple Pants and tight green coatee, has been deemed in the words of one official, "Absolutely Unsuitable for Military Operations". Another government report cites the old uniform as being "too visible on the modern field of battle" and "extremely uncomfortable for wearers who have to live in them unwashed for long stretches of time, leading to lapses of efficiency".
The new uniform, designed by Haute Couture leader, SchnobBee "retains the world famous grape juice purple pantalones, by toning them down to a properly military Oxblood Burgundy". In addition a pea green tunic, generously cut and made of special resilient canvas keeps all the army's units in a uniform appearance, but still allows Companies to maintain their historical "turn-backs" in the form of Company unique camouflage flak jackets and helmets. Officers will be allowed to retain self-purchased higher quality suits, and they will keep the purple and Thread of Gold stripe distinctions of rank.
The design competed against at least 5 other applicants, including a purple and pink jumpsuit designed as an anti-military protest by the famous Sculpter and Oil-Painter Schmearen Dab, that one general described as "An insult to Circus Performers, and an Outrage to Courage".
The new duds are estimated to cost about 50$ a piece and will be manufactured by local artisans of all the Freestate cities.
The old uniforms once collected will be decommissioned and donated by the army to charity.